Q: My husband and I look like the perfect couple to our friends, family and neighbors. We're both healthy and fit, have successful careers and two beautiful children... But I am so unhappy. I feel like I’m playing a role. I love my husband as a friend, but I’m worried we are falling out of love romantically. Any advice?

A: Relationships go through many stages, and they must be fed by both people to remain healthy, growing and strong. You can start the repair by talking to each other first, then taking action.

I suggest that you set a date with your husband to discuss how both of you are feeling. You will probably find that your husband is feeling the same way as you. You can each share what you need to get your emotional closeness and romantic love back to a place that feels good.

Come up with a plan to go on a date once every week. Put it on the calendar, and follow through! Spend a night at home without the kids, or go out for the day or evening, leaving the kids with a sitter. If money is tight, develop a list of activities that cost little or no money, but include positive communication and some type of physical touching or closeness.

If you have difficulty talking to each other or figuring out how to improve your relationship, consider seeking the assistance of a licensed mental health professional. A third party who is specially trained in working with couples can help you rediscover your emotional and romantic connection as a couple.

Wendy Benway, MS, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Folsom. She is a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. More information is available at www.TherapistFinder.com.