By Mâr Routson

Unmanageable, disobedient, fidgety, impetuous, trouble-maker, pest--these were the terms teachers used to describe my brother back in the ‘60s. Despite his IQ of 130 (100 is average), he barely made it to and never got past 9th grade. The educational system failed my brother. There was no IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) in place back then. And there was also no classification and labeling model aligned with IDEA to offer “specially designed instruction to meet the unique needs of a child with a disability.”

Had our parents only known more, had someone stepped forward and told them what they needed to know, would my brother’s outcome have been different? As a parent myself now, and a special needs teacher with over fifteen years of experience, I’ve learned first-hand how parents can help their kids, and how they can hinder them. Here are five very candid pieces of advice you will probably never hear from your child’s special education teacher, and which every parent should know anyway:

1. Experts Can Be Wrong!
Special education is a continually evolving and constantly debated subject, and there is no one right or wrong approach. Educational models, methods and philosophies have been designed by humans and, therefore, are quite capable of being flawed. Children with Down syndrome were once locked in asylums. Some “leading authorities” in the ’60s believed that music developed “the wrong side of the brain.”

An expert (PhD) in Early Childhood Education informed me that my five-year-old was “simple” and would need special placement. Fast forward twenty years, my brilliant (not simple) daughter is now pursuing a master’s degree in mechanical engineering and physics. So much for the experts! If you don’t like what you’re hearing, get another opinion.

2. Know Your Labels!
Educational handicapping conditions (aka “labels”) were created for the education world, not by physicians for the medical world--a huge misconception! The purpose of labeling a child with a disorder is so that educators and administrators will know how best to serve that student. Physicians may not be fully aware of the idiosyncrasies of various disorders and how to best educate a child with a certain disability. Many labels and other special education terms have been modified into acronyms, and parents need to become familiar with this “alphabet soup” (as we fondly refer to it in special ed) because your child’s pediatrician isn’t. Sorry, Doc.

3. Kids Are What They Eat!
There is a direct correlation between what students do and do not eat and how they act and learn. If your child is having trouble with math or reading, consider the possibility that it might not be the teacher, or even the subject, but the fact that it coincides with your child’s post-breakfast sugar high (or sugar crash). The sugar, dye, or caffeine-induced high that your child gets from eating crap causes a breakdown sooner or later--too high to learn, too low to learn. Do not pollute your child with foods that contain dyes, additives, sugar, or preservatives. Keeping kids hydrated helps, too. Swap kids’ soda, Gatorade or juice boxes for water, and their teachers will thank you.

4. Don’t Spoil Your Kid!
“Special” is no reason to give in to your child’s whims or tantrums. It’s also not an excuse to baby them. If you want your child to grow up to be a contributing member of society, expect them to behave in socially acceptable and age-appropriate ways, right from the beginning. Provide discipline and well-defined boundaries, and follow through on consequences. Use positive directives and focus on the acceptable, desirable behaviors rather than the unwanted ones. You should have a posted list of your own, or you’re welcome to borrow mine (see below).

5. The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree!
Parents often expect teachers to change or cure behaviors or qualities that are as inherent as eye color or height. Rather than getting frustrated with your child (or the school), take a good look at your family medical history. Maybe Uncle Bob was labeled the “class clown” back in his day; today he might be diagnosed with ADHD. Was Grandpa a “neat freak,” or is that just what they called OCD tendencies back then? Think back to your own struggles in school, or consider how many times you have to ask your husband to do something. (He’s not ignoring you; he’s LD!) While you can't filter your child’s gene pool, looking at those precursors may help you understand and appreciate your child’s "special" qualities and quirks in a whole new way. It’s paradoxical, but if you can embrace your child’s weaknesses, you’ll appreciate his strengths. At least your kid doesn’t have Aunt Sophie’s pointy ears!

Mâr Routson holds a Master’s in Special Education. She has taught kids, teens and adults, in recreation, residential and classroom settings, and now enjoys writing full-time.