By Amy Crelly

A preschooler repeats pop-song lyrics with S&M overtones. A teacher is shocked to see some of her sixth grade girls come to school in risqué costumes on Halloween. A kindergartener asks at dinner, “What’s a blow job?” An eight-year-old boy confides in his dad that he saw Internet porn at a friend’s house… What is going on?! I asked the co-authors of So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids (coming out in paperback July 21).

“We wrote So Sexy So Soon to encourage just lots and lots of conversations and communication,” says Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., “because the research is clear that kids who have this in their lives have some protection against some of these forces in the culture.” Diane E. Levin, Ph.D., adds, “Caring, connected adults have a more important role to play now than ever.” To help you shine in that role, here are just five of the many practical pieces of advice these smart and caring moms can offer:

1. Limit kids’ screen time.
TV, video games and other electronic media are the biggest sources of “sexy” pop culture influences. Setting limits and then working with kids to establish rules and routines for what they can watch and when gives kids some protection from the racier and more violent content out there. You can help kids unplug by suggesting fun screen-free activities (like drawing or coloring, playing with toys, getting outside, or breaking out the board games). Need an excuse to take back the remote? April 20-26 is TV Turn-Off week.

2. Stay “plugged in.”
It can be tough (and sometimes tedious) to get our heads out of our grown-up world and immerse ourselves in what’s popular with our kids, but talking to them (and their friends) about the TV shows, movies, music, and video games in their lives—whether it’s Webkinz or World of Warcraft—is an important part of staying connected. It also has a way of encouraging them to talk about other things on their minds.

3. Get past the “Just say no” approach.
When we are too restrictive, children often start sneaking behind our backs at an early age, or they quit coming to us with questions, according to Levin and Kilbourne. Of course, we still need to set limits, but, whenever possible, it helps to work out solutions with our children. Besides, kids are more likely to cooperate and comply when they have some role in making the call or creating a rule. At the very least, they want to feel like their voices are really being heard.

4. Counteract gender stereotypes.
Ask your son to help you cook or sew; play sports outside with your daughter. Praise your son for playing gently or helping others. Praise your daughter for being strong and smart. Complimenting kids for what they do, versus how they look or what they wear, is so empowering!

5. Encourage kids to use their imaginations.
Giving kids plenty of time to just play allows them to process and problem-solve. Expressive activities, such as art, writing and play-pretend, allow them to process confusing sexual images and media messages too. Participating in our kids' play time helps us stay in tune with what’s on their minds and often opens up teaching moments for conversation.

The kinds of toys we let our kids have also influences how they play. Open-ended play materials (blocks, baby dolls, art supplies, animals, etc.) all free kids to explore what is on their minds while TV or movie-themed action figures or princess characters often come with “scripts” (not to mention fast-food promotion deals, accessories and sugary breakfast cereals). These more commercialized toys often lead kids to simply imitate scenes they watched on a screen or just want to “collect them all.” Barbie, for instance, might do nothing but shop while GI Joe fights. To free kids up again, parents might (for example) encourage Barbie to go on an archaeological dig in the backyard while Joe makes her a pizza. Freeing kids from the notion that there is a “right” way to play allows them to develop confidence in their own ideas and abilities (which are always way cooler than any Bratz doll outfit or action figure accessory).

Amy Crelly is Editor of Sacramento Parent Magazine and a regularly contributing writer for SacramentoParent.com’s online exclusives. Share your comments, questions or thoughts with her via e-mail: amy@sacramentoparent.com.