By Terrah Tillman, MFT
Member of California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT)

Q: I just became a new mom and I am having a really hard time transitioning into motherhood. I thought I would bond with my son right away; but it’s been two months now, and I honestly don’t feel that “motherly instinct” everyone talks about. I feel like a bad mother. Is there something wrong with me?

A: You are not a bad mother. You are taking a step in the right direction by identifying these feelings and asking for help. Having a baby can be exhilarating, but it can also be exhausting. Soon after giving birth, many women feel weepy and moody. You may be blessed with a beautiful baby but feel guilty when you discover motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Baby Blues and PPD
Seventy percent of new mothers experience “Baby Blues” after giving birth, due to changes in hormone levels. They usually occur within a couple of weeks after birth and subside on their own relatively quickly (within a few weeks). It is important to distinguish “Baby Blues” from “Postpartum Depression,” which is a more serious condition.

PPD typically occurs within the first year after birth. Symptoms include feeling irritable, sad, hopeless, or overwhelmed; feeling unwilling or unable to care for the new baby, or feeling excessively concerned for the baby; feelings of worthlessness or guilt; crying often; low sexual desire; low energy levels; too much or too little sleeping or eating; difficulty concentrating; the desire to hurt oneself or the baby; and isolation. If you are feeling any of these symptoms, you are not alone. PPD affects 10-20 percent of moms.

Parent Resources
There are many local hospitals and parent resource centers, such as Birth and Beyond, that offer baby bonding classes and parent support groups to help parents who feel “out of sync” with their babies strengthen their relationships. Being responsive to your baby’s needs and cues, holding, cuddling and touching him or her often can help your baby develop a secure attachment.

Seeking Help
If your feelings persist, they can affect your ability to care for yourself and your baby, so it is important to seek help. Treatment options include therapy, counseling and medication. Your doctor can work with you to find a combination that will best help you recover. Remember: experiencing depression after giving birth is completely normal. There is no shame in asking for help.

Terrah Tillman, MFT, has a private practice in Sacramento. She has specialized in treating young children and families for the past ten years. Terrah has a degree in Child Development from UC Davis and a Masters in Counseling Psychology from the University of San Francisco. www.TherapistFinder.com